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It just won’t happen – sorry

Dear Camel Toe Annie:

Yes, darlin, you tried again. AGAIN. How boring is your life? No, seriously….I’m curious. Maybe boring is the wrong word. Let me think.

PATHETIC. Yes, pathetic fits it well.

You can try all you want to make our lives difficult. And hey, I will give you this, over the past 10+ years, you have succeeded more than once. Several times actually. So kudos to you. You got what you wanted.

Guess what though? At the end of the day, we are still married. We are still happy. Right now, we are in a particularly wonderful part of our lives together and no amount of your bitching, whining, calling, using those kids to your advantage will change any of that. It just won’t. Oh true – yesterday I was so mad I could have spit fire, but as I was lying in bed last night watching Medium (fab show – must watch), something hit me. You won’t break us. You won’t. EVER. It won’t happen. Despite your best efforts of crippling us financially and emotionally, we managed to get married, buy a home and build a life and a future. We will continue to do so, honey. We just will.

Oh, and the best part? You get 3 more months. Just 3. I hope you enjoy that money we give you because in 3 short little, itty, bitty, tiny months, it’s all over. That sound you hear? That’s your gravy train coming to a screeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeching halt. And we will pay it. Happily. Because when it is all said and done and we look back, we can each hold our heads up KNOWING that we paid way more than our fair share for the raising of those kids. You know the ones, right? The ones you manipulated into thinking their father is a jerk? Uh huh, them. We can’t control what you tell them and stopped trying loooooong ago.

So please, darlin, for your own sake, find someone else to annoy. Pay attention to your own life and quit worrying about what we are doing or what we have or where we go. Because guess what honey? None of it has a thing to do with you.

Buh-bye.

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8 Responses

  1. camel-toe visuals always give me the creeps!

  2. I’m assuming that “camel toe” is the hubs’ ex-wife? And I think I can further assume that she is a bitch? No, wait, another “c-word” expletive?

  3. Good for you!

    I also have a voodoo doll on standby if needed.

  4. You have come TOO far to ever let her get to you. Ever. Three short months.
    Remember: Living well – is the best revenge!

  5. You should make that last payment in pennies. Unwrapped. Drop them on her yard. Ask her for a receipt. Make her count them and verify that you gave her the right amount.

    I’ll even come and help you shovel them out of the truck onto her yard.

  6. 3 months. I bet her antics get crazy in anticipation of the end. Maybe that is part of where this episode came from. How exciting to be rid of that burden soon!

  7. So are we having a party in 3 months? I’ll bring the queso!

  8. Can I get on the gravy train? Maybe with some biscuits, too? hmmmmmmmmmmmm

    3 months will FLY by. Yeah!

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