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Shower is calling – gotta make this quick.

OK, first things first, Suz was right in the last post – Jack from Will and Grace and I think she guessed first so Suz, email me your contact info. I promise not to stalk you.

Much.

I did some major cleaning yesterday and have to finish today. I had let so much crap go in this here crib that it was embarrassing. As I discussed with Katie, I had done just enough to keep the Health Department away but that was about it. The dust was colonizing and threatening to overtake the smaller animals at any moment.

Speaking of the crib, it is all secure and shit now. We have always had this security system that we never bothered to have monitored from the previous owner. Well, hubs was napping one day and a salesman came to our door who had done several of the homes right around me. He promised to upgrade everything for no cost but whatever the monitoring fee was per month. Well, sign me up dude. So now we are all secure and it’s only a matter of time before my mother sets it off and scares all of us into shitting our pants. We only keep her around for entertainment value. The dude that came to do all the rewiring and shit was…..special. He arrived super late on the first day (oh yeah, he was here more than one day) but apparently the job he was on prior to ours was just one giant clusterfuck and I am nothing if not understanding, so whatever. Get here when you get here, dude. I not care. After digging around in the linen closet for HOURS, he told me that he had a good 2-3 hours more to do and should he continue the work that evening or would I like him to come back. Dude, at this point, it was 7 fucking 30. Yeah, get out. So he came back Saturday and finished up and showed me how to use it. So NOW all my stuff is safe. I have infrared beams criss crossing in front of the Reese cups that only don’t singe MY skin, so back the fuck on up, ok? I inquired about getting machine guns attached to the sides of my house that would activate anytime someone drove down the street with thumping music and he whined about possible lawsuits, blah blah blah.

Pussy.

(Sorry, had to let the dog out. Him poops at 10. Like clockwork.)

Other than the cleaning fest, this weekend has been quiet. Just how I like it. All I have to do today besides finish the cleaning is run to the Salvation Army and dump off all the comforters, blankets, etc. that got cleaned out of the linen closet and then hit the church to get addresses of all the kids baptized in the last 2 weeks. I send the cards from the church. That’s a wrap. Then it’s nothing but prepare for Sheldon this evening and begin the countdown. I heart that raging geek.

Dude, so how about Desperate Housewives finally back on? FINALLY. I know it has gotten not nearly as good as it used to be but I still love that show. I mistakenly changed the channel a few minutes prior to it coming on and was beat over the head with Oprah loving the shit out of herself and contorting herself into all sorts of positions to adequately kiss her own ass and pat herself on the back. Jesus, woman. Find some humility ok? We know you think you are fabulous and yes, you do some wonderful work but just once, can you do something, I don’t know, ANONYMOUSLY? Just once. Please take your staff on vaca to Hawaii and don’t feel the need to announce it on national television, all right? I swear I’d fall the fuck over.

And yes, we must discuss the season finale of Rock of Love. Those of you who stick your nose in the air of this show that is a train wreck, well excuse me but I think it is hilarious. These women have NO pride for the most part and well, hey, if you all are gonna act like total whores on TV, then sign me up to watch so I can get my daily chuckle. I was pleased that he picked the less skanky of the two, Ambre. Granted she lied about her age but something tells me that she has probably NOT fucked the entire band list of every single hair band of the late 80s and 90s and well, that bodes in her favor.

Poor Daisy. I won’t even go into why I wanted to stick a pin in her lips and watch her deflate thereby making her fly all over the room like a balloon. Or her ridiculously overly dramatic hand gestures. Or the crying. Oh the crying, Daisy. It was bad. You brought the ugly cry to a new low. However, we all know you are still riding the hobby horse with your ex, so you got dismissed. Bye bye honey. See ya on the pole.

With that, I must go shower and start my day.

Peace, bitches.

PS – 4 more payments to CTA. Booooooyah.

Edited to add:

Did anyone NOT see this coming: Ashlee Simpson is PG according to UsWeekly. Well, DUH.

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4 Responses

  1. Shall we discuss how I didn’t even realize it is Sheldon night. Geez. Tax season can’t end soon enough!

  2. Hmmm, I’ll have to go see who the baby daddy is. I had no idea….

  3. I loved DH this week (blind bastard – bwaa haaaa me & Stac about pissed ourselves).

    I doubt Asshole is preggers. We’ll see. Pete’s not man enough to impregnate her.

  4. Don’t look now but I just stole one of your Reese’s – I am a master thief

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