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Plans for tonight

I’m watching the Pens tonight play in the Igloo in my most favorite city in the world. I was sitting here watching the highlights of game 5 (loooooong ass game) and I realized I’m such a dork. I get all teary over watching Sykora make that game winning shot. THEN, they panned to the Burgh and showed downtown and I got all verklempt again.

I just miss my home. This place will never be my home.

I had a bad morning wherein I felt overwhelmed and tired and frustrated and ended up getting not much sleep last night and was up entirely too early. I hate days like that. I am infinitely better now which is good but you know how sometimes you just have to cry as like a pressure release? You feel it coming. It’s never a convenient time but the tears are gonna be a-flowin’ and you may as well just accept it and get through it and move on because chances are excellent you will feel better after. I know I do. The things that upset me and took over my thoughts earlier are still there but I don’t feel as dragged down by them. Much of it is way out of my control but that does not make it any less exhausting or life sucking, right?

Also? I’m not sure how to say this without sounding like I am having a big ole pity party for myself (maybe I am though) but I just feel rather overlooked in my life lately. I don’t feel special. At all. I’m not saying my hubs is neglectful or anything like that. It’s not even about him. It’s more like other people. My extended fam and stuff. I feel very sorta “outta sight, outta mind” by several of them and that hurts my feelings a lot. I feel like right now should be an exciting time for me and really? I just feel very alone. I’m very happy to be pregnant and thankful for every day that this little person is in me, but am I being a baby that I feel like this should be a bigger deal to some other people? Be honest. Be kind but be honest. LOL Lord knows I can be a tiny bit self involved (shut it) so maybe this is just an extension of that? I really just feel like ass though. I feel like if I never mentioned this kid or my pregnancy for the next 23 weeks that this kid could be born with nary a blip on some people’s radar and that is a really crap feeling. Actually I feel this way about a lot of people and it blows. Hard.

I’m done whining now. My boys are on TV and fucking Detroit just scored so I must go chant or something so someone in a red shirt takes a skate to the face.


7 Responses

  1. Hey now, I’m quite sure that you are more than a just blip on a lot of people’s radar.

    Still 1-zip. If they pull off a win would you consider naming your baby Sidney?

  2. ((Hugs)) to you. Maybe they don’t know how to react? I mean, maybe they are being cautious because they sense you are cautious? I dunno. Hang in there!

  3. I am sorry you are feeling this way. I am very anxiously awaiting the sex because really you can’t do much until you know the sex. Still your FAM of all people should really be there for you.

  4. Awww…I am sorry you are feeling that way also! I do understand…just take it day by day and enjoy this time….you have been waiting for so long for this and I want you to enjoy the whole experience!

  5. Because I suck and have done shit for reading of blogs lately I had NO CLUE you were all knocked up and stuff!!!!! Congrats, I was actually just wondering about the status of the whole thing..(before coming here to read all about it)

    So there. Even if your family is sucking we all love you…

  6. Well I know on my end here that everyone is just busy with kids getting out of school and worrying about losing their jobs and all. When it gets closer to dropping the spawn I’m sure they will all come out full force.

    And are you really hinting that you want a baby shower? Like with the fun games and everyone rubbing your belly? And the opening of presents for HOURS? And acting like everything is WONDERFUL? I can arrange that for you…

  7. Sometimes family just blows.

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