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Dear stupid asses at Walgreens:

Please comply with the following:

1. Do not come in with slippers on. I will stare. I will point. I will judge.
2. Do not come in and buy every single thing advertised in their little circular. And when your beanie weanies ring up at 4 cents higher than you thought, don’t make the cashier look in said circular to confirm that you are, in fact, due that 4 cents. I will sigh. I will give you the wonk eye. I will hate you.
3. When the little postcard dealios fall out of the magazine thing you are reading, please pick them up. It takes what? 3 seconds? Stop acting like you don’t see them or else that lady in her slippers is gonna slide and fall on her ass. I don’t want to be her witness in her lawsuit.
4. When the phone rings (yeah, I’m talking to you, cashier) please answer the damn thing. I know you all love to play that “let’s see how long we can make it ring and hope the people on the other end go away” game, but it might be someone who needs their Rx so just answer the fucking thing, ok? Or I will reach over that counter and do it for you. Surely…………SURELY you can multi-task and scan my crap, too, right?
5. When I am trying to come down an aisle, move your fucking buggy. Now. Or else I will belly bump it (yes, I use my in utero kid as a weapon…..annnnnnd what?) and then when you look up and see that you hit the innocent pregnant girl, you will feel like shit and I will fake a contraction. I’m just sayin’.
6. I do happen to love that you put the extra candy like Snickers and Reese’s cups right up by the cashier. Next to the diet pills. The irony is not lost on me.
7. Do not eyeball me as I walk across the parking lot because I left my dog in the car. The car that is ON and RUNNING. With the a/c just blasting. He’s FINE. He is, however, a bit of a drama king. Do not listen to the shrieking that is coming from him. He does it if I leave him and walk the 3 feet to put gas in my car.

Thanks so much for listening to me. It saves me from going the fuck off on you bitches later.


11 Responses

  1. #5 might be a good reason to decide to have children. I wish I could’ve seen that. Priceless!

  2. Bwaa haaa I LOVE IT!

  3. See also: Any Duane Reade in NYC. So. Ridiculous!

  4. Slippers in public should be cause for some sort of ticket or something.

  5. I found your site on technorati and read a few of your other posts. Keep up the good work. I just added your RSS feed to my Google News Reader. Looking forward to reading more from you down the road!

  6. I love someone as mean tempered and foul mouthed as myself!!!!

    This cracked me right up!

  7. OMG this is the funniest thing ever 🙂 thanks for making me laugh on this dreary sunday!

  8. LOL! That’s one of those days where I just keep saying “I hate people.”

  9. there is a surprise for you on my blog!

    Hellooooo Gorgeous

  10. Not to worry, it’s not any better @ CVS. LOL I love this, thank you for the laugh, I need it as I’m preparing for Gustav’s arrival.

  11. My thoughts exactly-every one of them.

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