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What I’d like right now

1. For the fucktard up the street to shut the fuck up with his thumping car already. We get it. You’re ghetto.
2. For the fucktard up the street who drives up and down on his loud ass motorcycle. Shut the fuck up, ass. When you do that when I have a sleeping baby, I will fucking hunt you down.
3. For my mother to grow a brain and stop pissing me off.
4. A day off. Where I not only don’t work but where I do nothing for anybody else but me. 24 solid hours.
5. For the laundry to be done.
6. To start maternity leave now. Is 7 weeks until due date too soon?
7. To find my ankles again in their normal size.
8. For people to stop pontificating on and on and on and ON about shit that makes them sound like blustering idiots.
9. For my house to clean itself. Windows too – inside and out.
10. For hurricane season to be over.
11. To stop resenting family members because they fail to live up to my expectations. It’s not that I think I am being unfair, it’s more of why extend the energy on them if they suck that much?
12. For the kid to stop sitting on my bladder. Actually that might be his giant melon now, huh? Jesus, kid – ease UP.
13. For Mr. C from Asshole Companies Inc to realize how pathetic he is and perhaps find a snake in his bed. Nothing poisonous. I’d just like a Code Brown, please.
14. For customer service to exist again.
15. For chivalry to exist again too.
16. For fake assholes to stop waving at me. Dude, do you not recall that I was RIGHT THERE when you talked shit about the girl you are now cozying up to? Yeah, I was. And I have the memory of an elephant. (The ankles too – but that’s different.) Point? Don’t wave at me, whore. I can’t stand to even breathe the same air as you.
17. As my husband says “for me to find some Jesus.” Ass. But honestly, people have been pissing me off waaaaay too much lately and it brings out the ugly. Granted my ugly is only about 2 layers down on some days but fuck if it has not reared its head up a shit ton lately.
18. For a few of my friends to receive some of the things they need in their lives to relieve some of their stress. (Was that the first unselfish thing on this list thus far? Methinks yes.)
19. For Jessica Simpson to realize that there is no one on this planet, not even any and every diehard Cowboys fan, who gives one good shit how she feels about Romo. Frankly I pity the dude because she is a flat out idiot. Sorry but big tits do not cancel out that level of the stupid.
20. For my mother’s birth certificate to turn up unexpectedly when I look for it again or I swear I may drive up there and beat her with a red hot poker.

I think that’s it for now.


9 Responses

  1. But mother’s – they’re special. I think they live to drive us nuts. At least mine does.

  2. May I just politely say?

    You HARDLY sound pregnant.


  3. I wish my laundry would do itself too. All of it. For some reason I have more than I normally do right now.

    And the vacuum…I wish it would just come out and do it’s thing. I think I might have to take Cheeky’s advise and get a Roomba.

  4. The customer service thing really gets on my nerves too. That and the level of rudeness out in public. I need to tell you about what happened last night. And the mother thing. I feel ya. I really do.

  5. We’ve got sone major league fucktards on my street, so I feel your pain.

    As for the house cleaning, if I hit the lottery the first thing I’m getting is a maid!!!

  6. I meant SOME.

  7. Let it out, baby, Let it out!!!
    There – now doesn’t that feel better?

    Jessica Simpson – big-tittied frog! hehe….

  8. I love a good rant!

  9. I feel for you with the neighbors and the loud vehicles. ANNOYING!

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